Lupin's Christmas Carol
by faerenach
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, 1997. Remus Lupin has had another fight with his wife, Nymphadora Tonks, and escapes to 12 Grimmauld Place to mull over his broken spirit. He is visited by the unexpected ghost of Dumbledore and other familiar spirits to remind him how Christmas joy can heal past sorrows and renew the soul. Rated K for mild expletives and implied intimacy.
1. Dumbledore's Ghost

**Lupin's Christmas Carol**

 _Shamelessly ripped off from Dickens' fine work, with the help of characters from Joanne Rowling's equally admirable writings._

 _This story takes place on the Christmas Eve during the Deathly Hallows book (1997) and endeavours to be canon-compliant. The idea for this story has been sitting in my back pocket for a few years now, and I'm finally in a mood to get it written. I'm aiming (but not promising) to have it done before Christmas Day. Please send all your encouraging and motivating messages in the comments or by PMing me. Comments and follows are life._

* * *

 **DUMBLEDORE'S GHOST**

If only Dumbledore weren't dead, Remus thought.

But Dumbledore was dead, there was no doubt whatever about that. He had been to the funeral and had seen his body for himself. He and hundreds of other mourners, for Dumbledore had been revered the world over.

Remus Lupin had never quite got over the death of his mentor and role model, Albus Dumbledore. While many after Dumbledore's death had judged him for being manipulating, closed and ruthless, Remus had known the same criticisms were aspects that he admired most: understanding the wants and drives of other wizards, keeping his own affairs discreet, and having the courage and the will to do the right thing - no matter the cost. But in his passing, the former Hogwarts headmaster had left unknown work undone. Remus was particularly concerned with the work he had relegated to Harry Potter, a boy who he thought of as almost a nephew of sorts.

He supposed that that was how he'd ended up in this situation.

* * *

Once upon a time—of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve—Lupin sat alone in front of a small fire in Grimmauld Place. Kreacher had made himself scarce, which was just fine with the moody, heartbroken wizard. He'd sought out this refuge after another fight with his new wife, Nymphadora Tonks. They were not six months married, and had been fighting nearly that whole time. This time about the current wizarding war, and his absolute refusal to allow her to get involved in it.

 _"Your father is on the run, the ministry has suspended you because of it, and you are_ five months pregnant _, Nymphadora," he pleaded, trying to keep his voice measured and calm. But Tonks certainly wasn't watching her tone._

 _"Don't you Nymphadora me! And he's my DAD, Remus. I'm supposed to just sit back and HOPE he doesn't get caught?"_

 _"That's exactly what you need to do. Unless you are actively trying to put our child in mortal danger."_

 _"Bugger that. Bugger that TO HELL, Remus. You do NOT get to call me a bad mother. Not when your reaction to becoming a father is to up and leave." Her words sliced at his core like an icy blade._

 _"We agreed to put that behind us, Nympha-"_

 _"DON'T CALL ME NYMPHADORA! And don't touch me," she jerked away from Remus, who'd reached out to hold her hand._

 _Her recoiling from his touch hurt him far more deeply than any of the words she'd flung at him._

 _"I want you OUT." She spat furiously._

 _Remus couldn't believe his ears. "You don't mean that."_

 _"I DO!" she exploded. "I am so bloody SICK of seeing the guilt on your face any time I mention our child. It's on your face right now. Even after you came back… well, I don't know what made you come back the first time, but you clearly have more shit you need to figure out. And you can't do it here. With me. So please leave." She was no longer shouting, and her quieter, measured words were how Remus knew that she was serious._

 _He had no words left to defend himself with, so he picked up his wand and his coat, and he left._

Remus had never told Nymphadora about what Harry had said to him, that fall evening. He hadn't even told her that he'd come to Grimmauld Place; that, in response to the news of becoming a father, he had sought out the only role he'd ever felt competent to embody - teacher and mentor. But Harry hadn't just turned Remus away, he'd stood against his former professor as an equal and called him a coward and a bad father.

 _"I'd never have believed this. . . . The man who taught me to fight dementors—a coward."_

Months later, and those words still echoed over and over in Remus's head. And so once again, overwhelmed with misery and despair, he had escaped to this lonely home on a night where the rest of the wizarding (and likely muggle) world were with family and loved ones.

* * *

He had no idea just how long he'd been staring at the fire when he heard the front entrance defenses go off.

"Happy Christmas!" cried a duet of cheerful voices through the din. The voices were unmistakably Fred and George Weasley, whose ginger hair and violently orange jumpers blazed with firelight as they entered the sitting room. Behind them came Bill, their older brother. Lupin sat up slightly, but didn't get up.

"Hello Fred and George. Bill," he nodded to the young man whose scars always reminded him of his own wolfish curse.

"Happy Christmas, Remus!"

"We suspected you might be hiding out in this ghastly, empty tomb of a place," said Fred cheerily.

"Yeah, it's downright eerie in here." He and Fred exchanged an ear-pun high-five.

"Wouldn't you rather be somewhere with better food and better company tonight?" Bill asked more gently.

"I don't think I would, Bill, sorry," Remus replied.

"But it's Christmas Eve!" cried George, as though he couldn't believe anyone would ever want to be on their own on such a night.

"A time of merriment! And pudding! And bespoke woolen Weasley jumpers! I hear mum's really outdone herself this year," Fred followed with. Remus's face tightened in a grimace.

"Do you idiots mind giving me a minute with Lupin?" Bill gave his brothers a look, and gestured that they scarper.

"Right, well, you know where to find our patented Weasley-brand festivities!" "And an excessive amount of Celestina Warbeck!" They left, lightly bantering between themselves, their spirits undampened by Remus's sullen mood.

Bill waited until they'd at least got to the entrance, then sat himself down in an armchair.

"Remus, I heard what happened with Tonks."

At this, he looked up.

"Fleur?"

"She and Tonks are practically joined at the hip now. Who'd've seen that coming? I can't imagine two different girls. But they tell each other everything, heaven help us." He smiled wryly.

Remus couldn't bring himself to smile back. "Good. I'm glad she has someone to talk with."

"You know, I can almost guarantee you that she'd rather that person be you."

He sighed. "That may be true, Bill, but that doesn't mean it's the best thing for either of us right now. Nymphadora can't bear to look at me until I 'get my shit together'. Her words, not mine."

Bill studied the man carefully. At first glance, it looked like Remus Lupin was a man of many years. His hair was streaked with grey, not really in a distinguished way, and his face looked as worn and gaunt as an old man's. But he'd done the math, and he knew that Lupin wasn't yet forty. He couldn't begin to imagine what Lupin had been through.

"I'm learning a little bit about seeing myself reflected in others' eyes. They don't even have to say anything - you can see the pity for the scars and the marks in the way their eyebrows crease and their lips pull. I avoided Mum for months after the fight." He harrumphed. "What am I saying, I still sort of avoid her. She's getting better, but I still see it in her. Those pitiful looks, the guilt."

"Godric, not you too." Remus could hear Tonks words again, crystal clear. _"I am so bloody SICK of seeing the guilt on your face any time I mention our child."_

"Dammit, Remus, I'm trying to say that I know what it's like to try and avoid those situations. Listen, Fleur and I are doing Christmas on our own this year. Tonks told Fleur that she'll be with her mom. I think Tonks would want you to be with them, but if that isn't going to happen, I wish you would join us. It'll be quiet and there won't be anyone to ask questions, feel pity, or give advice. I give you my word."

Remus found that even this gentle, welcoming invitation hurt. Of course he wanted to be with Tonks, but he just… couldn't.

"I appreciate the offer Bill, but I'm fine on my own."

Bill nodded sadly. "If you change your mind, you know your way to Shell Cottage." He got up from the chair and reached out to clasp Lupin's shoulder, but hesitated and grasped the back of the sofa instead.

"Happy Christmas, Remus."

He couldn't respond with the same, so Lupin politely offered "Good evening, Bill."

He heard the door close with a soft bang and felt the familiar weight of solitude smother him again.

* * *

Kreacher had left a meat pie in the deep freeze, which Lupin managed to heat up tolerably. He ate it standing in the kitchen, washed it down with a glass of water, then took himself upstairs to find a room to spend the night in. They were gloomy spaces, the bedrooms at Grimmauld Place, full of old textiles and grumpy portraits. After the Order of the Phoenix's occupation of the house, Molly Weasley had led a thorough clean-up campaign. But while the heavy drapes were rid of Doxies and the gnawed couches no longer home to mice and other vermin, the snake-headed doorknobs and macabre tapestries still gave it an air of unfriendliness. He continued to climb up through the dark corridors to the topmost landing.

Remus thought he'd sleep in Sirius's old room tonight, perhaps hoping that the boyhood nostalgia posted on the walls would help his mind escape to an earlier time. Gryffindor reds and golds were interspersed between odd static muggle pictures of scantily-clad women and motorbikes. It was such a strange mix of vaguely familiar things that he felt oddly comforted by it.

Quite satisfied, he closed his door, and locked himself in.

He set a fire in the hearth, just a small one. Not quite ready to chase sleep, he sat in front of the flames and watched them dance.

It was in this momentary stupor that he heard a strange noise. It sounded like singing, beautiful but heartbreakingly sad. And then realization hit him.

It was phoenix song.

Frisson tickled the back of his neck. He catapulted himself to his feet, swinging himself around to see where it was coming from. It sounded like it was in the room with him, as impossible as it seemed. Seeing nothing, he reached for the door to check the hall. But the knob wouldn't turn in his hand.

"Alohomora!" he uttered, frustratedly pointing his wand at it. Still, it didn't budge.

"I'm afraid that's my fault, Remus."

He froze in place, his wand suspended in front of him. With an excruciating slowness, he turned around to face something that couldn't possibly be there.

It was Albus Dumbledore. The same face: the very same. A luxuriously long beard, usual ornate robes, with embroidery and trim shimmering. But he was as transparent as a ghost.

Remus was incredulous, and fought against his senses. He couldn't accept what he was looking at.

"Dumbledore!" he managed to croak out.

"Not looking quite my best, am I?" The spirit's eyes twinkled in a familiar way. "I'm afraid I didn't have much of a say in my wardrobe. Still, not my worst outfit choice."

Remus could barely form words. "But… how? You're dead."

Dumbledore's ghost nodded. "Yes, I am that. But perhaps what you are truly asking is why I am, at the risk of being blunt, haunting you?"

"You are a ghost then?" The only living man in the room was suddenly sad. All he really knew of ghosts was that their existence was a sort of unending state of limbo and regret. He couldn't fathom the idea that his mentor and role model would ever have not accepted his own death.

"Can you—can you sit down?" asked Lupin, looking doubtfully at him.

"I can."

Lupin gestured at the chair beside the one he had risen from, and the ghost of Dumbledore sort of hovered into it. He lowered himself back into its twin.

"You are disappointed," observed the Ghost.

"No, that's not it," Remus denied.

"It's just… why, Dumbledore? Why are you still here?"

"I can only speculate on that. It is my understanding that all spirits that choose not to… "go on", shall we say… that they are bound to something unfinished in the world of the living."

"And you have unfinished work?"

"In a sense. I believe you're aware that I've left tasks to be finished by others in this world."

Remus nodded. "I'm aware." As he thought of Harry, a deep anger began to rise in him. "I know you asked Harry to carry out some impossible task… one that should never have been asked of a child."

"Harry is now seventeen, Lupin. He is as much a full grown wizard as you, albeit a young one. But yes, Harry is one of those that I have entrusted with a mission."

The anger had begun to grow. "How could you burden him with such a thing?" His voice was low and dangerous with a fury he didn't realize he had buried.

The Ghost frowned with an expression of guilt that Remus couldn't remember ever seeing on his face before. "It is a fair question, but I am afraid I cannot answer you. I am bound to this form and its limitations until all comes to pass. And it SHALL come to pass, Remus. Neither one of us may prevent that."

Remus shook his head disbelievingly. "I believed in you, Dumbledore! I believed that you had some great strategy to end this war, to put You-Know-Who in his place… and to protect the innocent from more harm."

The look of remorse deepened. "The innocent are always affected by wars, Remus."

"YOU LEFT US!" He rose up in anger. "You left the Order, you left Harry… you let Severus, for reasons I cannot BEGIN to reason, end your life on that tower..."

"I am sorry that I left." Dumbledore examined his former student, trembling with rage. "More sorry than you can imagine. But I am not the only one who has left in the middle of a fight, am I?"

The words pierced through the armour of Remus's rage. "Dumbledore, please don't…"

"Why did you leave, Remus?" The spirit spoke calmly, as if he were still a professor and expected a correct answer from his pupil.

"I don't know. I don't know. I just… I couldn't stay." He crumpled into the chair, and buried his face in his hands. Silence slowly filled the room.

"You asked me why I am here, Remus. Why this wandering spirit has chosen to visit you, in this house that is not a home, on this lonely evening that is usually filled with light and love. It is because I wish to do something more than simply wait for an end to come. I want you to be able to do what I cannot - choose to go back."

Remus lifted his head and stared.

"But to do that, you must understand why you first chose to leave. I've asked for the help of other spirits in this task. Those you will recognize."

The words the spirit uttered still did not make sense to Remus. "I—I think I'd rather not," he said.

"Without their visits," said Dumbledore, "I fear that you will continue to live in remorse and guilt. That is my burden, but it should not be yours. I wish, beyond all things in this moment, that you will allow me to do this last thing for you." He smiled sadly at Remus, who nodded after a moment.

"What should I expect?"

"The first will arrive shortly, I imagine. I can't quite tell you when. Ghosts have a very different understanding of time, you understand. I speak from personal experience." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled once again, a bittersweet reminder of how much Remus had missed seeing it.

"The first will be followed by two more, again, at their own leisure."

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes, Remus?"

"You are sorely missed." Remus found his throat swelling with emotion.

"If I were still living, I'm sure I would be blushing to hear that. Now before I go, I have one small personal request."

Remus exhaled. "Anything."

"Have a lemon sherbet for me, won't you? I do miss sweets quite fiercely."

Remus found himself looking down to hide a smile. When he'd composed himself and looked back, Dumbledore was gone.


	2. The First of the Three Spirits

**Lupin's Christmas Carol**

 _Shamelessly ripped off from Dickens' fine work, with the help of characters from Joanne Rowling's equally admirable writings._

 _This story takes place on the Christmas Eve during the Deathly Hallows book (1997) and endeavours to be canon-compliant. The idea for this story has been sitting in my back pocket for a few years now, and I'm finally in a mood to get it written. I'm still on schedule to have it done before Christmas Day! So please send all your encouraging and motivating messages in the comments or by PMing me. Comments and follows are life._

* * *

 **THE FIRST OF THE THREE SPIRITS**

When Remus awoke, it was so dark, that looking out of bed, he could scarcely distinguish the transparent window from the opaque walls. But as he blinked, a growing glow illuminated the room.

It was being cast by a spirit in the middle of the room, one who was peering around at the walls in great interest. As Remus's sight cleared, he gaped at the visitor.

There, standing not far from him, was Sirius Black. He didn't look the same as when Remus had seen him last, though. This young rebel didn't look much older than eleven.

"Great Godric, Sirius, is that you?"

The young boy turned around and grinned, his smile splitting his face.

"Moony! Get your arse out of my bed, we have things to do!"

"But… how are you here? You can't possibly be here. You didn't become a ghost after the Ministry." _I checked_ , he wanted to say.

Sirius nodded understandingly. "True, true… that's all true… but you know, I think Dumbledore pulled some strings. And don't ask me how," he continued on, cutting off Remus who looked as though he were about to demand answers. "Merlin knows I haven't the foggiest."

Remus couldn't quite process the sight in front of him. He'd nearly forgotten what Sirius had looked like as a young boy. He spoke without thought.

"Dumbledore sent you."

"I think so. But now that I think about it, I don't actually know how I know that. I don't even remember talking to the old nutter. In the astral existence beyond time and space, et cetera, et cetera. No matter. So you chose to stay in my bedroom, eh? Like the decor?" Sirius winked at his still-agape friend. Before Remus could say a word more, Sirius shrugged and pulled the covers off his bed with a flourish. "No matter. I told you, we need to get moving! I'm not sure how much time I have, and there is a LOT to cover."

Remus got out of bed, wearing a robe and pajamas he'd transfigured his clothes into. He was rather aware of how he must look.

"Where exactly are we going?"

Sirius winked at him in that insufferably arrogant way he always used to. "I DO know that I can't tell you that. It's an adventure, mate! Come on then." He held out a hand and Remus took it without another thought.

* * *

Without any sensation of apparating, Remus realized that they were standing together outside his old childhood home.

"Great Godric, I haven't been here in decades!"

"Come off it, Moony, you're not THAT old. Or are you? Never mind that… fancy a guess as to what year it is?" Sirius walked up to the front window that looked out from their front den and gestured for Remus to join him.

Between his two parents, young Remus sat on their old striped chesterfield. He was holding a brand new copy of the book "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" and there was a look of wonder and, Remus felt his heart quiver to see it, hope on the boy's face.

"It's the Christmas before I arrived at Hogwarts. Mum and Dad told me that the year before I got my invitation to Hogwarts, they had corresponded with Headmaster Dumbledore. To see if the school would even consider me, in regards to my… condition. The book was just a symbol, really." Remus swallowed hard. "Dumbledore told them that my name was indeed on the list, and that he'd do everything in his power to make my attendance possible. I couldn't believe it. For the first time since the biting, I felt hopeful. I felt like I had been given the chance to be a normal boy." Sirius watched his old friend carefully. A multitude of expressions were passing over Remus's face: happiness, sadness, nostalgia, resignation.

"This is only the first stop on a long ride. The next is my favourite! Ipromise, it only gets better. Come on, Moony!"

Remus took one last long look at his younger self, then turned to follow Sirius. As he caught up, he realized that Sirius was leading him down the hall to the Gryffindor Tower at Hogwarts. His surroundings had changed without him even noticing.

"Oh, isn't it wonderful to be back?" Sirius yelled over his shoulder, and disappeared right through the wall where the portrait of the Fat Lady hung.

Remus had stopped nearby. This was something he didn't want to rush. Being at Hogwarts was like being wrapped in an old blanket on a chilly morning. He was conscious of a thousand odours floating in the air, each one connected with a thousand thoughts, and hopes, and joys, and cares long, long, forgotten. Strange, how a scent can bring you back to a very specific time. Remus breathed in the old wood, dusty tapestries, and the dull metallic tang of suits of armour, all overhung with festive smells of mistletoe and balsam fir boughs and garlands of evergreens - cedar, black spruce and pine. Gentle daylight shone through the windows at the end of the hall. It was Hogwarts on Christmas morning.

When he finally approached the Fat Lady, he realized that he was as invisible to her as if he'd been under James's cloak. He called out "Sirius?", partly wondering if the portrait guardian would respond to him. But she sat there serenely, looking as regal and sedentary as always. So he took a chance and pushed through the wall as if it were the entrance to Platform 9 and ¾.

Sure enough, he found himself in the common space. Lounging on the sofa as if he'd never left the castle was Sirius's ghost.

"Taking your time about things, aren't you? Fess up, though… these were the best of times."

Remus looked around the room for an indication of year. "I imagine I'd agree with you, but I'm not sure what times these are, precisely."

"We're right at the beginning of it all. This is our first Christmas all at Hogwarts. We're up in the dormitory right now, at the bloody genesis of The Marauders." Sirius's eyebrows wiggled and he flashed that careless grin of his. "It's Christmas, of course. Do you remember what we're talking about?"

Remus cast his thoughts back to his first Christmas at Hogwarts. "If I recall, I was receiving a sort of intervention."

Sirius's eyes filled with glee. "Let's go spy on us, shall we?" He got up and flew up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Remus had forgotten how Sirius used to do that. It had only been the first couple of years, though… before he'd become a moody teenager who cared how cool he looked.

Remus didn't have to think about which dormitory had been theirs, his feet led him instinctively. There they were, four very young boys sitting in the centre of a room lined with poster beds. James, Sirius, and Peter were all facing young Remus, who looked mildly terrified.

"We know," James said, his eyes gleaming. "We've figured it out, you see."

Young Remus's lip trembled. "What have you figured out, exactly?"

"We know where you go once a month," Peter piped up. "We know it's because of… of the full moon."

Young Remus's eyes widened in fear. The older Remus watched as his younger self was given the play-by-play on how his soon-to-be best mates had discovered his secret.

"I was petrified, you know," he said to Sirius. "I thought you would all turn me in, and that I'd have to leave. I had begged my parents to let me stay over the Christmas break. I convinced them that I'd be able to safely sneak out to transform on New Years' Eve without anyone noticing. That no one had noticed anything as of yet. But all three of you had to be clever."

"You look like you're going to wet yourself, Moony." Ghost Sirius teased, as he leaned against the end of his old bunk. His strange sense of humour was an odd comfort to Remus as he watched his younger self.

"That first Christmas… it was the beginning of friendships that changed me fundamentally. In some ways, more than my being bitten." He smiled wistfully while a tearful young Remus was surrounded by his new friends, each placing their hands on his shoulders in support and solidarity.

"We're here for you, mate." James said confidently. "Don't you dare think you're going to get to have fuzzy little adventures without us."

Older Remus smiled sadly. "I miss James."

Ghost Sirius nodded and rose. "That prat's thirst for adventure was the drive that kept the four of us together. I miss him too. Come on, time to move again."

He hopped off the bed and was out the door before Remus could blink.

Down the corridor they went, and with each turned corner, the years seemed to cycle by in front of them. Christmas after Christmas, with only minute changes in the annual decoration. Christmas lilies one year, holly the next. And then he saw that the ghost of Sirius beside him had also aged. He looked about nineteen now.

They approached a random door, and the spirit stood back to gesture that Remus go first. "After you, Moony."

Remus emerged on the other side of the door in the cozy foyer of a small house, and froze. He recognized where he was instantly, and it tore at his chest.

"Godric's Hollow." Sirius's voice behind him was quieter, graver.

"I'm not sure… that I can be here, Sirius." His friend's ghost looked at him with what was almost pity.

"But this is a happy memory, isn't it?"

Remus exhaled heavily. "It was a happy day. But as a memory, it doesn't bring me much joy anymore." Sirius followed him as they made their way to the dining room, where a younger and merrier Sirius and Remus sat at a table with James and Lily. Empty dishes were the only remains of what had been a veritable feast. Lily, whose green eyes glimmered in the fairy lights they'd adorned their Christmas tree with, looked radiant. James gazed lovingly at her like he was the luckiest man in the world. There was such an air of possibility and youthfulness in the air, something that felt right and content. But Remus could only feel dread of the news to come.

James sat up straight and clinked his wine glass with a spoon. "Well, Marauders. Happy Christmas." Young Sirius and Remus chimed back with their own Happy Christmases.

"It's a shame that Peter couldn't be here tonight, but Lily and I are beyond chuffed that you're here. We have news to share. Good news, for a change," he clarified, his eyes never quite leaving his wife's.

"Well spit it out, mate," Sirius laughed. "We need some good news to celebrate after this dreary year."

James nodded to Lily, who looked at the other boys in the room and said "I'm pregnant."

The response couldn't have been louder. Young Remus bellowed "What?!" and Sirius beside him howled with amusement, crying out "I can't bloody believe it! You're mental, the both of you!"

Remus watched the events unfold with a serious face. He felt the eyes of the ghost on him.

"News of a baby is usually a happy thing, isn't it?"

Remus shook his head in disagreement. "They're so young, Sirius. Nineteen. They didn't give a single thought or care as to what might happen to them in times of war. What _will_ happen to them. How could anyone choose to bring a child into such a world at such a time?"

The ghost of Sirius watched him carefully. "They may have been young, but it doesn't take a genius to see how much they loved Harry - even before he was born. Do you honestly believe that if they'd known their futures, that they would have done anything differently?"

The young friends poured out another round of wine, which Lily declined laughing. Their joy should have been infectious, but Remus felt chilled and distant.

"Why are you showing me this? What lesson am I supposed to learn from this?"

The scene beside them began to fade into the background, as if they were again peering through a window at a room they were not in.

"You know as well as I do, Moony, that there is no greater power than that found in close friendship… or love." Sirius laughed, and it sounded like a bark. Remus looked up at him to see the spirit aging again, the years slowly marking his face. "I had you lot - close friends that became my family. But I never got the chance to love someone like James loved Lily.

"But you did, didn't you?"

"Sirius, please." His voice wavered. "No more."

"Only one more," the Ghost said.

* * *

The snow was falling outside Nymphadora's flat in London. Remus saw himself, only a year younger than he was now, walk determinedly up to the front door and reach out to push what she called a 'buzzer'. His finger paused, not an inch away from the button, and then fell back to her side. He turned again, almost as if he were going to leave.

"Looks like you're a mite nervous, Moony," Sirius observed cheekily. They had stopped just beside the nervous Remus, allowing them a close view of a myriad of thoughts and decisions as they passed over his face.

He stood, indecisively raising his finger again, only to drop it once more. An older woman passing by him called out "just press the button already, lovie!" At that unexpected nudge, Lupin finally pressed the button.

"Who is it?" Nymphadora's voice came through the intercom. Remus looked puzzledly at the electronic box, not sure if he needed to keep pressing the button to talk. He decided not to.

"Uh, Nymphadora, is that you? It's Remus. Lupin." Watching was even more painfully embarrassing than Remus remembered.

"I look like a lunatic," he muttered to Sirius. His friend laughed again, his familiar bark of a sound. "That's because you're acting like one. Totally mad for her, aren't you?"

Remus ignored him and followed himself into the building after the buzzer sounded. They marched up two flights of endless stairs before he saw her. Standing in the doorway of her flat, her hair an alluring shade of bubblegum pink and her face coloured with amusement, was Nymphadora Tonks.

"Remus. Happy Christmas. You decided to take me up on my offer, then?" Her guest stopped abruptly in the doorway. "Your… offer…"

"For a cup of Christmas cheer, you git. What did you think I meant?" She smiled wickedly at him as he brushed by her.

Nymphadora Tonks' flat was the strangest space that Remus had ever seen. It must have once been an industrial muggle warehouse, apparent from the soaring ceilings and the old brick walls, but the witch had decided to splash loud colour over every inch of it in the form of cushions, posters, and paint. It certainly couldn't be described as tidy either… but the clutter somehow made it feel inviting.

She walked towards the kitchen and pulled a bottle of port down from a high shelf. "I got this bottle of port from a friend in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. Owed me a favour. You like port, don't you?" Without waiting for an answer, she began to fill two stout little glasses.

"Port is fine," Remus answered as he ogled the space. "Nymphadora, how do you get anything done in here? It's… the physical manifestation of chaos."

"My mum once called me an agent of chaos. Best compliment she's ever paid me. And please, for Merlin's sake, don't call me Nymphadora. Call me Tonks. Or Dora. Nymph even." She offered him a glass with a sly smile.

"Ny… Dora. Thank you, Dora."

As they sunk into two overstuffed chairs, the visiting spirits edged closer.

"I must say, I would never have predicted that it'd be Tonks," Ghost Sirius speculated. "But I like the idea of her shaking up your world a little. You get too serious on your own."

"I'm perfectly happy on my own, Sirius." But even as he said it, he found it sounded more like an excuse than the truth. Even in a memory, Nymphadora mesmerized him. It was the way she seemed so comfortable in her own skin, and emanated such a lust for life. He was drawn to her like a magnet.

She hadn't been sure he'd come, she'd told him later. _He_ hadn't been sure he'd come - but she had acted as though it was a foregone conclusion.

"I'm glad you came. I know it's… not a good day."

Remus clutched his glass of port. "No, I can't stay long."

They sat there in silence, Remus staring at his glass and Tonks staring at Remus. The spirits waited silently.

"Remus," Tonks asked finally. "Why did you come? I got the sense that you weren't too chuffed when I invited you over."

Remus shifted in his chair. "Molly told me you weren't planning on spending Christmas with your parents. I didn't want you to have to spend the day all on your own."

Tonks set her drink down on the cluttered coffee table. "You didn't want me to spend Christmas alone?" she repeated.

She looked positively incendiary. Remus cleared his throat and set his own glass down.

"Dora, listen to me. I know what you're on about. You're not exactly the most… subtle of witches." Before Tonks could react, he continued. "And I can't say it isn't unwanted… exactly…"

"You are adorable, Moony," Sirius observed. His companion made a face but didn't speak.

Tonks watched Remus patiently. "Are you saying that you're not attracted to me?"

Remus didn't answer right away. His face was unreadable. "No… I'm not saying that exactly."

"Are you saying that you didn't want to come here tonight?"

"No, I wanted to come. But…"

"Are you saying that if I kiss you right now, you would wish I hadn't?"

Her hair was starting to curl at the ends, just ever so slightly, and Remus was transfixed. He let out a deep breath. "We shouldn't. But no, I'm not saying that."

At this, Tonks got out of her chair and lowered herself onto Remus's lap. Without another word, she raised a hand to his face and stroked his jaw in a gentle and surprisingly un-Tonks-like way. And then she dragged his face to hers and kissed him.

"Sweet Morgana, Remus. If a girl kissed me like that, I would probably propose on the spot."

Dreading what came next, the Remus observing the kiss pressed against his temples in worry. "Let's leave, Sirius. Take me back home."

"Not quite yet, friend."

The two lovers broke their kiss and lost themselves for a moment in each other's eyes. But then Remus inhaled and made to rise. Nymphadora quickly shifted off of him.

"What is it? Is something the matter?"

"Nympha… Tonks, this isn't a good idea."

"Why not?"

Remus's face looked grief-stricken. "I'm a werewolf. I'm way too old for you. You don't know what you're getting into." He started to move away from her.

"Two of those statements are true, but rubbish excuses. But that last one is full wrong. I do know what I'm getting into."

"Nymphadora, please. I should go before this gets more complicated."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I like complicated."

She refused to look away from him, and Remus finally met her eyes.

"Nymphadora." he pleaded.

"Call me Nymphadora one more time, and I will jump you."

It was if a switch had flicked. Remus's eyes gleamed with challenge… and with need.

"Nymphadora."

She'd actually jumped on him, clinging to his waist with his thighs, and to his shoulders with her arms. They were kissing in a way that made the observing Remus want to blush.

"Nice moves, Moony. You never could let a challenge lie."

"We should leave," Remus said firmly. "Now."

"You know it isn't over yet."

It was as if no time had passed when an irate Lupin, furious doing the buttons on his shirt, burst from the bedroom and raced towards the door.

"Remus, talk to me!" Tonks raced out after him, wearing a bright blue robe.

"It should never have happened. This should never have happened. I have to go." He looked furious, but the older Remus saw grief and guilt in his face as well.

"Not until you talk to me!" Tonks put herself in front of Remus and the front door.

He growled. "It is not SAFE, Tonks. I never should have stayed this long. I never should have come."

"It is HOURS until moonrise. Do you know why? I checked in advance. I WANTED you to stay, Remus."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You don't know what you're getting-"

"That's bullshit. Don't treat me like a child."

"You ARE a child!" Remus roared.

Tonks came at him with matching fury. Her hair had changed to a violent orange shade. "And don't tell me I don't know what I'm doing. You're a self-righteous arse, Remus Lupin. You knew exactly why you came here. You knew what I was asking when I invited you. Don't blame it on me if you don't know how to let someone care about you."

She moved aside from the door. Remus flew through it without even looking at her. Tonks slammed the door after him.

"That's enough," Sirius said shortly, and the scene faded away.

Remus was shaking his head. "She's right. I knew what I was doing when I went over. I should never have done it. I could have avoided everything."

When he looked up, he saw that he and the Ghost of Sirius were back in Grimmauld Place.

"She's right. You are a self-righteous prick."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It sounded like she knew exactly what she was getting into when she invited you over. And she knew about your 'furry little problem' before then?"

Remus was growing impatient. "Yes. So?"

Sirius looked closely at his friend. "So she didn't want you to be alone on Christmas day. She gave you the gift of a person you could be yourself with - who accepted you for who you are. And you rejected her."

"It isn't RIGHT, Sirius. She shouldn't have to give up a normal life to be with someone like me. It's a life without freedom. It'd break her."

"And you get to make that call, do you? You, of all people, would tell someone that they're not strong enough to love you? You think that's right?" Sirius wasn't smiling or laughing now. He looked irritated and, what was worse, disappointed.

"Let me tell you about a life without freedom, mate. I spent most of my childhood trying to get away from a repulsive family, only to be betrayed by a friend who was like a brother. I spent the next ten years in a cell, having every good feeling peeled away from me, bit by bit. And then for the last few years of my life, I was either on the run or on house arrest in this horrid house."

Remus's entire was body, eyes watering with the force of emotions he was feeling, but he couldn't bring himself to interject.

"You've had your own battles to fight, mate. I know it. But you can't protect people by pushing them away. It didn't work with us, the Marauders, and it won't work with Tonks. If you don't hold on to what you've finally been given...well, that will definitely break you. And her. And everyone who loves you. You're not in it alone, even if you wish you were."

He looked down at his ghostly form. It seemed to be flickering.

"I may have not had a lot of freedom in my time, but I don't regret a single choice I made. I lived the stuffing out of my life at every chance I could. James would have said the same."

Remus wasn't ready for him to go, not like this. "Sirius, not yet!"

"I'm sorry, Remus, I don't have much of a choice in the matter. But you do. You still get to choose how you want to live your life. So bloody live it, won't you?

"See you, Moony."

And with that, his friend was gone.


	3. The Second of the Three Ghosts

**Lupin's Christmas Carol**

 _Shamelessly ripped off from Dickens' fine work, with the help of characters from Joanne Rowling's equally admirable writings._

 _This story takes place on the Christmas Eve during the Deathly Hallows book (1997) and endeavours to be canon-compliant. The idea for this story has been sitting in my back pocket for a few years now, and I'm finally in a mood to get it written. This chapter involved the most amount of research so that it was as canon-compliant as possible, hence the delay. I doubt that I'll be able to have the whole story done before Christmas Day, but I will try! So please send all your encouraging and motivating messages in the comments or by PMing me. Comments and follows are life._

 _For some accompanying music, I recommend Alexandre Desplat's_ My Love is Always Here _._

* * *

 **THE SECOND OF THE THREE SPIRITS**

Unsettled and restless after Sirius's departure, Remus couldn't face sleep. Instead, he sunk back into one of the armchairs facing the fireplace. He chewed on his friend's words like gristle, trying to digest them in any way he could, but they churned over and over in his mind without end.

He didn't even realize he'd fallen asleep until he heard a voice behind him.

"Hello Professor Lupin."

He jerked awake. Muted daylight filled the room. _It must be midway through the morning,_ he thought. But then he remembered the voice that had awoken him. He stood and turned before giving himself the chance to think about who it might be.

Standing straight in front of him, hands clasped politely, was the ghost of Cedric Diggory.

"Cedric Diggory!" he heard himself exclaim.

"It's good to see you again, Professor. Happy Christmas."

Still reeling from his former pupils appearance, he asked the first thing that came to mind. "Is it Christmas Day, then?"

"It is."

Remus frowned. Had he slept away the entire night and morning?

"I suppose you've been sent by Dumbledore to visit me, then."

The spirit nodded. "I have. He's asked me to accompany you on your visits." The ghost looked earnest and nervous, if it were possible for a spirit to look earnest. "Before we leave, Professor... I wanted to say something."

Remus smiled inwardly. _Still so polite,_ he thought. "What is it, Cedric?"

"I wanted to say... thank you. I didn't make the time to say that, after you left Hogwarts. And then, there was the Tournament, so I lost my chance forever. But thank you."

Remus felt confused.

"Thank me for what, exactly?"

Cedric frowned thoughtfully. "For being one of the best teachers I ever had. What I learned in Defence Against the Dark Arts the year you taught it was a large part of why I put my name in for the Triwizard Tournament."

Remus supposed that he should have felt flattered, but the feelings of grief outgrew all else. It must have become apparent on his face, because Cedric sped up to avoid him interrupting.

"I'm aware that that sounds perfectly ridiculous, what with how things turned out in the end. But I'm proud of my accomplishments in the tournament - even now. In spite of everything. I knew how to fight the grindylows, because of you. I knew how to handle Sphynx and boggarts because you prepared us for that. I wouldn't have made it to the middle of the maze otherwise."

"If you hadn't made it to the middle of the maze, you'd be alive," Remus said roughly.

Cedric nodded in acknowledgment. "That's true. And I'm so sorry that I never got to say goodbye to everyone - my family, to Cho, to my friends… to Hogwarts. I know they had a hard time accepting that my death was anything but senseless and devastating.

"But I think it did have purpose. Who knows how things might have turned out if I hadn't been with Harry? He could have given up against You-Know-Who, but he didn't. And then Dumbledore told the other students that if they ever had to choose between what was right and what was easy, to remember me.

I think that that's why he sent me to you tonight. To remind you." He looked to his former teacher as though he were still a student, looking for confirmation that he'd puzzled out the answer to a problem correctly.

"You were such a bright student, Cedric," Remus said quietly.

Cedric didn't smile exactly, but there was an expression of satisfaction and pride on his face. He held out a hand.

"If you're ready, Professor?"

* * *

The Burrow looked as festive and lively as it always did on Christmas Day. The travelling spirits had appeared facing the front door - or rather, it had appeared facing them. A wreath of pine and holly hung there, festooned with bewitched jingle bells that were charmed to ring out the arrival of guests. Lupin remembered the racket they'd caused last year.

They stayed silent as he and Cedric passed through the door and emerged into the kitchen. This was the room where there always seemed to be a Weasley present, no matter what the occasion. Christmas Day was no exception.

Molly Weasley was floating a sheet of what looked like ginger cookies out of the oven while threatening the twins to keep their distance. "Don't even think about it, they're for Bill and Fleur."

"Come on, Mum. They aren't even here. How will they know if one is even missing?"

"Yeah, and how can you be assured of quality control unless you sample one? Or three?"

Molly didn't quite smile, but the wrinkles in her forehead lessened slightly. "I mean it, Fred, George. Take your jokes into the den with your sister. She needs them more than I do."

Remus's eyes followed the twins as they headed into the den. As they left the kitchen, he noticed that the famous Weasley clock still sat with all hands pointing to "MORTAL PERIL".

Ginny was quietly curled up on a sofa, watching their fireplace with a serious expression. Fred and George wasted no time in shifting their focus from bothering their mother to bothering their sister.

As they teased and cajoled, the corner of Cedric's mouth raised in amusement. "You know, I always wondered what it would have been like to have a big family. It can be rather lonely as an only child."

"It also tends to be less complicated," Remus added. He thought of Sirius and Lily. "You can't always choose who you're related to."

Almost as though he had cued the conversation, he overheard George sigh dramatically. "I'm afraid you're stuck with our excellent company, sis. Dad's still sorting things at work, Charlie's back in Romania, and apparently Bill getting married means he can skive off family Christmas celebrations…"

"The git," Fred interjected.

"...and Tonks is staying with her Mum this year." Remus felt relieved that the twin had diplomatically left him out. But he'd also noticed that there were others left off the list - no mention of their other two brothers, and of Tonks' father.

Ginny's expression remained morose. "And what about Ron? And Harry and Hermione?"

Remus watched George's face soften as he put his arm around his sister. "We're pretty sure they're safe. We'd have heard something by now if they weren't. But we're the coolest brothers anyway. Ron's not half as funny or as entertaining as we are. And Charlie snores."

"We promise, we're not going anywhere," added Fred.

Ginny leaned her head on George's shoulder. "It just doesn't feel like Christmas with the house so empty."

Remus noticed that Molly had been watching from the far end of the room, her face drawn and tired looking. He could see through her eyes, thinking like a parent would. Bill was involved with the Order at the very thick of things, and even though he didn't live far, he was not under her protective wing any more. Charlie was safe, but far away. Percy… was near, but wanted nothing to do with them. And a youngest son who was Merlin-knew-where, facing Merlin-knew-what, with friends that were just as much her children. Remus felt his heart shatter for her.

Cedric laid his hand on Lupin's shoulder. "We should move on now."

Remus nodded.

* * *

"Just a quick stop here," said Cedric, leading Remus down a line of sedate row houses in St. Albans. They came up slowly beside a tall young man bundled up against the chill. It took Remus more than a moment to realize that it was Percy Weasley.

Percy, with his wand buried in his coat sleeve, pointed it at the front door lock, and slipped in. They followed him into a modest, minimally decorated apartment. Its quietness, bare neutral walls and simple furniture were such a contrast to the noise, warmth, and kitsch of the Burrow that Remus knew it must have been by design. The only sign of something impractical was the Christmas tree set up in the front room.

Percy took off his boots, coat, and gloves in an orderly fashion and then headed straight for the kitchen. He began putting together a simple meal, a far cry from what the Weasley family usually feasted on during the holidays.

Cedric broke the empty silence. "Percy was only a year older than me, you know. When he got a job at the ministry straight out of Hogwarts, my father was over the moon. He thought that that meant I would be just as fortunate." He smiled sadly. "He was absolutely convinced that I would be the next Minister for Magic."

"Your father thought the world of you, Cedric."

"I know that. All too well, really. He could barely have a conversation without praising me in some way. It was flattering, and a little embarrassing. But it was also fairly maddening, all those expectations. I knew it came from a good place, but sometimes I felt that I didn't have a choice in my own dreams or future plans. What if I didn't want to become a great Auror or an important Ministry figure?"

"Parents will do everything they can to protect their children, to try and give them a better life than they themselves had." As soon as he said it, he realized that he was once again seeing things as a parent.

Cedric frowned thoughtfully, then met Remus's eyes. "But what if they don't want what their parents want?"

The young spirit looked at Percy, sitting down alone at a small table with one chair. "Percy didn't want the things his family told him he should want. He wanted security and recognition. He was willing to go after those things alone, to reject the future his parents had dreamt up for him." Cedric shook his head, whether in disagreement with Percy's actions or in pity, Remus couldn't say. "I was never a friend of Percy's. And whether or not he made the right decision about it, part of me respects him. It takes a lot of nerve to stand up to your own family - more than I ever had."

They stood watching Percy eat for a full minute, the silence and emptiness in the apartment deafening. Remus wondered if this solitary young man missed the noise and bustle of his family at all or preferred the orderly quiet, whether he felt any guilt for breaking with them, or regretted the choices and loyalties that had brought him here. The more the thoughts tumbled over themselves in Remus's head, the less sense it all made.

"Let's go," said Cedric quietly.

* * *

A flock of blackbirds flew noisily past them, as Cedric and Remus found themselves on a hilltop. They were outside, the sky as white and featureless as the snowy ground. Remus didn't recognize where they were, but he certainly recognized the two people arguing in front of him.

"He changed, Harry, he changed! It's as simple as that! Maybe he did believe these things when he was seventeen, but the whole of the rest of his life was devoted to fighting the Dark Arts! Dumbledore was the one who stopped Grindelwald, the one who always voted for Muggle protection and Muggle-born rights, who fought You-Know-Who from the start and who died trying to bring him down!" Hermione was pale with patience, straining to stay reasonable against a stormy-faced Harry Potter.

"Harry, I'm sorry, but I think the real reason you're so angry is that Dumbledore never told you any of this himself."

"Maybe I am!" Harry yelled back. "Look what he asked from me, Hermione! Risk your life, Harry! And again! And again! And don't expect me to explain everything, just trust me blindly, trust that I know what I'm doing, trust me even though I don't trust you! Never the whole truth! Never!" His voice broke, the anger and grief behind it apparent.

Remus felt like an intruder, watching while the pregnant silence grew between the two friends. But he couldn't help be relieved. _They're alive, thank Merlin. But where is Ron?_

Hermione broke the tension with whispered words. "He loved you. I know he loved you."

Harry's arms, which he'd swung around him with tempestuous energy, stilled at his side. "I don't know who he loved, Hermione, but it was never me. This isn't love, the mess he's left me in. He shared a damn sight more of what he was really thinking with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever shared with me." With a look that made it clear to Hermione that he didn't want to say anything more, he bent and picked up a wand that had fallen in the snow. He walked over to the entrance to a tent that Remus just realized they'd been near and sat down.

"Thanks for the tea. I'll finish the watch. You get back in the warm."

Hermione crouched down to retrieve a book that had also been in the snow, then made her way past Harry into the tent. As she passed him, her hand brushed over her best friend's head. Harry's eyes closed, whether in frustration or comfort, Remus couldn't tell.

"Ron left them weeks ago," said Cedric after a long pause. "He'd found out that his sister had been sent into the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts for detention, and that another of his family might have been injured."

Remus felt worry knot his insides. "But we just saw the Burrow. Ron isn't there. What's happened to him?"

Cedric didn't acknowledge the question. "I've always admired Harry. Like me, he's always had to live up to everyone's expectations of being someone larger than life. But he didn't have parents in his corner, cheering him on when things looked bleak. I can't imagine how I would have accomplished anything without my father's encouragement. Harry had to make his own family, had to believe in himself." He watched the Boy Who Lived sit huddled in the entrance of the tent, now the same age as Cedric had been when he died.

"I wonder if it hurts more when family you choose leaves you or lets you down."

"It does," Remus uttered. He thought of the family he'd made - Sirius, James and Lily. And then he thought of Peter and the betrayal that had broken the Marauders.

The snow and pearly sky blurred around them, and Harry disappeared from Remus's view.

* * *

They were inside a small stone cottage, a place that had become very familiar to Remus.

"You've come to know this place well, haven't you Professor?" Cedric was smiling at him. Remus found himself smiling back.

"I have. Shell Cottage. After Bill was attacked by Fenrir… well, we began to chat." He'd spent a few late nights with the young man drinking Butterbeer (and occasionally something stronger) and discussing what might or might not happen to him. Despite Remus's initial reserve - there was after all a ten-year age difference between them - they had quickly become friends. It was in fact partially due to Bill's advice that Remus had finally given in to Tonks' persistent love. The four of them had created a new band of friends - one that wasn't quite like the Marauders had been, but one that helped Remus feel younger than his years.

No one was in the kitchen or dining room at present. From what Remus could tell through the diamond-paned windows, the sun had just set. A rosy mist at the seaswept horizon was all that remained of the day.

A voice murmured from the den. Cedric and Lupin moved towards it, finding Bill and Fleur curled up in each other in front of a roaring fire. They looked the picture of newlywed bliss.

"Zis is parfait," Fleur purred, her head tucked under her husband's chin. Despite the angry-looking scars that ravaged the young man's face, he smiled with a contentment that softened them. Remus felt happy for them even as he envied how comfortable they were with each other.

"Utter bliss," he agreed. "I think this is the quietest Christmas Day I have ever been witness to. Je t'aime, mon amour," he whispered and kissed his wife's head.

"Idem, mon cher. You are sure Ron, 'e will be alright?" she asked.

"Ron!" Remus exclaimed. "He's here?" He looked at Cedric, who gave a cryptic half-smile in response.

"Ron said in his letter this morning that he was going back to Harry and Hermione. He said he couldn't thank us enough for everything we did. I don't know if he'll be alright, but I think he's doing the right thing." Bill ran his hand up and down his wife's arm.

"Hmmm," Fleur responded. "I'm glad 'e finally decided to return to zem. Now if only we could do somezing for pauvre Nymphadora."

Remus closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear this.

"I still can't believe Remus left again." Bill said quietly. "I thought he'd gotten past everything. I thought he'd accepted it."

"To leave Tonks now… she is quoi, presque six mois?"

"Less than four months to go." Bill stroked his wife's hair. "And then soon, everything will change for them. I'm not sure if I'm jealous or relieved it's them and not us."

Fleur emitted a short laugh. "You were just saying 'ow you like ze quiet." Bill chuckled.

"That's true. But part of me has been thinking… what with the world turned upside down, and the end of the war nowhere in sight… what if we don't get another chance?" Fleur brought herself upright to face her worried husband.

"Zis is not ze time, not yet. Pas encore." She placed her palm on her husband's cheek, stroking lovingly. "When it is time, we will know it. And we will have ze most beautiful baby zat ze world 'as ever seen. She will 'ave a fiery spirit like 'er fazzer."

"And a strong heart, like her mother." Bill raised his hand to mirror Fleur's, cupping her cheek.

Fleur nuzzled back into Bill's chest. Cedric nodded at Remus to follow him.

As they left and the landscape blurred again, the ghost beside Remus spoke.

"It's time to visit Tonks."

* * *

They were in Andromeda and Ted's dining room, but Ted was still missing. Instead, a noticeably pregnant woman sat straight in her chair, staring distractedly out the window. Remus felt every fibre of his being wish that he could steal the hurt away from her eyes.

"Your watching for him will not make him arrive," said Andromeda to her daughter, her tone almost chilly.

"I didn't mean to yell at him," Tonks whispered. Her hair was a dark mousy brown, almost black.

"I know you didn't. You're more than five months along. What with your moods, you'd yell at the sun if it woke you up early. It isn't as though he thought you were even-tempered to begin with."

"I hurt him." Tonks was almost in tears, still staring out the window unseeing.

"He hurt you," her mother countered.

"He thinks the baby's going to be a werewolf, like him."

The ghost of Cedric looked at his companion, who was watching the two women with a face of stone.

"He can't know that, sweetheart."

"Mum, it doesn't matter. He believes it. And it means he hates it." Tears started to well in Tonks' eyes.

Andromeda got up and pulled her chair over to sit right beside her daughter. "Listen to me, love. You both rushed into this whole thing. Of course he's having doubts."

Tonks, furious at herself, blinked her tears away and turned to face her mother. "I did this, Mum. I rushed him into getting married. He didn't even have a chance to get used to us as a couple before we found out I was pregnant. If only…" she sucked in breath, fighting back a sob, "if only I'd been more careful, if only…"

"Stop it." Her mother's words were hard, but not unkind. "This is not your fault, Tonks. We can all see he loves you, in his own way. And you doing rash and reckless things is hardly out of character." At this, Tonks giggled wetly. "Is it?"

"No," she admitted. The faint smile of amusement fell from her face. "But I'm scared, Mum. That he won't come back. Like Dad." She looked up at her mother, whose eyes started watering as well. Her mother took a deep breath.

"Oh my love, I'm scared too. But we have to believe they're safe, and that they'll be back. We have to. Do you hear me?"

Tonks nodded and embraced her mother tightly. "I hear you."

Before Remus could say anything, the scene around him turned dark.

* * *

In silence and darkness, the ghost and Remus walked.

"I had to leave," Remus tried to say, but his words felt flat and bitter in his mouth.

Cedric didn't respond.

"She and the baby are in more danger with me by their side," he tried again. Still, the ghost said nothing.

Andromeda and Ted had been surprised when they found out Tonks was expecting. They'd insisted the couple move in with them, for safety's sake. But Remus had seen the split second of fear on their faces. He knew that that fear likely stemmed from the aftermath of Bill and Fleur's wedding, of the torture inflicted on the Tonks from the Ministry trying to discover the whereabouts of "Undesirable No. 1".

But deep down, part of him believed that the fear was aimed at him. A werewolf had married their daughter, and was now going to be father to their grandchild. Andromeda's cold words - "he hurt you" bit at Remus and stung like venom. _I might hurt my child, if I stay,_ he thought.

The darkness shifted slowly, and it looked to Remus as though they were in a muggle park. Night had cloaked the space with shadow. Backing onto a tidy grove of ash trees, a dim bluish light flickered through the corrugated plastic window of a small maintenance shed. The two spirits approached it, but didn't enter.

"I'll take the next shift," they heard a voice say. Remus thought it sounded vaguely familiar.

"If you don't mind, I'll sit up with you awhile. I'm not quite ready to shut my eyes yet."

It with a heavy heart that Remus recognized the voice of his father-in-law.

"And it's good to have company on Christmas," Ted Tonks finished.

"I won't say no," the other voice said. Remus was still trying to place it.

Cedric stood in front of the door and looked back at Remus. "After you," he said and gestured at the door.

Remus went through and found himself in the cramped space of a tool-packed shed. Ted Tonks and a young man were huddled into one of the corners, facing a blazing blue fire in an old steel bucket.

"Dean Thomas!" Remus exclaimed in recognition.

"That's a handy little spell," Ted said to Dean, nodding towards the flames.

"I have Ginny to thank for that. I think she said Hermione taught her. It's kept me and Griphook warm more than one night in the past couple months." He nodded over to the far corner, where Remus just noticed a goblin asleep. In the other corner slept Arthur Weasley's former Ministry coworker, Dirk Cresswell.

Remus or Nymphadora hadn't heard any news about Ted for over a month. Tonks had decided to take things into her own hands; she'd set up a meeting with an underground contact of hers who said they had information. But Remus had forbidden her to leave the house, which had set off their biggest fight since his first departure.

" _He's my Dad, Remus,"_ she'd yelled through tears of fury and fright.

"How old are you Dean?" Ted Tonks was leaning against the wall, looking at the young man.

"Seventeen. It was my last year at Hogwarts this year." He sounded wistful. "Though from what the Quibbler's been saying, I'm glad I'm not there."

"You would have had Remus Lupin as a teacher then, wouldn't you?"

"I did. He was the best bloody Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we ever had." His voice rang with pride. Remus wondered how many of his lessons had helped Dean while being on the run. It was a disturbing thought.

Cedric looked over at his former teacher. "See? It isn't just me." Remus didn't respond.

Ted was nodding. "He's married to my daughter Nymphadora. Best son-in-law a man could ask for. He loves her to bits, you know. And so patient with her. She's a bit of a life wire, but he's as grounded as anything. Maybe too grounded sometimes. What I wouldn't give to be spending Christmas Day with them."

Dean nodded quietly. "I miss my mom. I haven't seen her in… too long. It kills me not to be able to tell her I'm safe."

"I'm sure she understands," Ted assured him. "I bet my Tonks is climbing up the walls… she's five months along now, you know. And pregnant women can be a bit mad about things. But Remus'll keep her from doing anything mad. She's become a better person since she met him. More serious, more mature. She's a stronger person with him by her side."

Remus stood, wordless. Had he ever realized how much faith Ted put in him?

"Do you think you'll get to see them again?" Dean asked quietly.

The older man stared into the blue flames, thinking over his words before releasing them. "I honestly don't know, Dean. Anything can happen." He swallowed. "You never know how things are going to end. But listen to me, Dean. It's easy to be brave when it comes to your children. If your mother has anything to do with it, you'll see her again. And I'll do everything I can to make sure that happens."

Ted put his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. Remus's eyes were fixed on his father-in-law. He felt pride mixed with guilt, guilt that he'd ever doubted this wonderful muggle.

"He does. He makes sure that Dean gets to see his mother again." Cedric said. Remus looked over to see the spirit's face solemn and sad. Before he can ask the spirit to explain his words, the spirit starts to move.

"Time to go," Cedric said quietly.

Remus followed the ghost through the door of the shed to find themselves instantly back in the bedroom of Grimmauld Place.

"We've come to the end of our time together. And I'm grateful Dumbledore asked me to be the one to visit.

"This war has caused so much loss, Professor. And so much fear of losing friends, family. I know that my death seemed like the beginning of that. I miss my dad, and my mum. But in spite of the despair, and the anger, and the frustration… that the war will end. There's always a future. You're going to be a dad, Professor." His ghostly form started to fade slowly.

"Cedric," Remus tried to interrupt, seeing his last chance for any questions disappear in front of him.

"I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to become a father," he continued. "To see yourself in another person, to dream up the world for him. To know you might lose him, or he might lose you at any time. To know you might hurt them.

"I'd be petrified. But I think I'd be excited too. Are you excited to be a father, Professor?"

Before Remus could find an answer, the spirit was gone.


	4. The Last of the Spirits

**Lupin's Christmas Carol**

 _Shamelessly ripped off from Dickens' fine work, with the help of characters from Joanne Rowling's equally admirable writings._

 _This story takes place on the Christmas Eve during the Deathly Hallows book (1997) and endeavours to be canon-compliant. The idea for this story has been sitting in my back pocket for a few years now, and I'm finally in a mood to get it written. I'm sorry I haven't made my deadline of Christmas Day! One chapter to go, which I hope to have very soon. So please send all your encouraging and motivating messages in the comments or by PMing me. Comments and follows are life._

* * *

 **THE LAST OF THE SPIRITS**

Remus did not let himself fall asleep. He sat, nerves thrumming, in the fireside armchair.

 _Let it be over,_ he thought. But the quietness stretched on, denying him any closure.

Finally, Remus thought he noticed a lightening of the space… or was it a darkening? In front of him, slowly but steadily, a ghostly figure in a dark cloak formed. He couldn't tell if it was young or old and made no noise whatsoever.

"You are the Ghost who will show me the future?" he asked.

The upper portion of the garment was contracted for an instant in its folds, as if the Spirit had inclined its head. That was the only answer he received.

"I have never wanted to know what lies ahead for me, but I'm ready for this to be over. Take me where you need to, spirit."

The figure turned and began to lead him through the darkness that had suddenly closed in on them. He could somehow make out the robes without light needed.

And then they were suddenly outside a house. It was that of Andromeda and Ted Tonks. The hooded figure stopped outside the window and gestured for Remus to look through it.

He saw Nymphadora's mother, still as elegant and distinguished as he knew her to be, sitting in a rocking chair in front of a blazing wood fire and cradling a baby that looked almost a year old. The baby had nestled its shock of bubblegum pink hair into his grandmother's neck and was fast asleep.

"Merry Christmas, my little Teddy," she smiled.

"Teddy…" Remus whispered reverently. "My son."

The hooded figure turned to lead Remus on, but Remus wasn't ready to go.

"Wait! Can't we stay longer? Where is Tonks? Where am I?"

The figure didn't respond. It simply kept walking away.

* * *

They walked until they were suddenly at the Burrow. The hooded figure walked through the front door and its usual bell-laden wreath. Remus followed, worry lessened. _Of course they would go to the Burrow_ , he thought. He found himself smiling when they emerged in the kitchen to find Fleur and Molly discussing the best way to finish the Christmas Pudding.

"Just a small spreeg of 'olly. Zat is all you need," Fleur said.

"Holly on a pudding? That's… very pretty, Fleur dear, but…" The conversation was overtaken with the noise coming from the den. The spirit led Remus on.

"Give it back, Ron!" Ginny was laughing while trying to pull a wrapped present from her much taller brother, who was holding it over her head.

"Ron, stop being a prat!" Hermione said, giving him a look of admonishment… and was that affection? Percy came by and snatched the gift out of his brother's high perch, and handed it to Ginny. Remus was overjoyed to see the happiness in everyone's eyes. He heard a familiar laugh, then turned.

Harry was sitting on the chesterfield, his eyes overflowing with merriment. He watched the scene in front of him with a contented expression, as though he were the happiest person alive. Remus couldn't remember seeing him so carefree, and it warmed his heart.

"Harry's alive," he blurted out. The hooded spirit didn't answer, but Remus found himself unbothered by its silence.

"Give me a hand with this, won't you Bill?"

Arthur was lugging a rather large box towards the tree. Bill rushed over to help him with it.

"Where's Charlie? Isn't this his gift?"

Arthur's face went solemn for a moment. "He went to London to talk to George. He said not to wait for him."

The solemnity was mirrored back in Bill's face as he nodded. "I hope he's able to get through to him. If George didn't still have the business to keep him occupied, I'd be seriously worried."

Remus frowned. What had happened to George? And where was Fred?

The uncomfortable prickle of suspicion began to grow. _Something's happened to Fred._

In confirmation of his worst fears, he heard Ron whisper to Hermione.

"When I saw him yesterday, he told me he wanted to be alone today. I can't blame him, this place is madness."

"I can't imagine the feeling of being homesick at home. Of course he wanted to be alone. All he'd see here was memories of Fred."

A hand fell heavily on Remus's shoulder. It was the hooded figure, beckoning him to leave.

"Fred is dead, isn't he?" Silence was the response. This time, Remus felt ill. The hand clenched again on his shoulder. Remus got up to follow him, but turned back to see Harry one last time.

The boy - the man, he should say - was still on the chesterfield. Ginny had curled up beside him. They were surrounded by such a moment of happiness, young love, and family, Remus found he couldn't have imagined a better future.

When he turned back to look for the spirit, the world around him had changed once again.

* * *

They stood in the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Massive boughs and wreaths of cedar festooned the walls, and in the front corner was the largest tree Remus had ever seen. The diners were seated at the head table, due to their low numbers. But there was Hagrid and Filius and Minerva and Sybill, all familiar faces to the former professor. Remus found himself wishing he'd been able to spend Christmas with them when he had been teaching, but it had been a change night. There were a few students around the table, but only a few. Remus didn't recognize any of them.

Minerva was seated at the head of the table, which Remus took to mean she was currently the Headmistress. She stood, her full goblet in hand. "Peers and pupils," she began, looking at each diner in turn. "I am honoured and humbled to be sharing this Christmas dinner with you all. It has been a year of rebuilding what has been destroyed, and grieving of what and whom we have lost. But Voldemort has fallen, and Hogwarts still stands. This institution will continue to be a home to any wizard who wishes to learn. Here's to justice, and a new year of blessed peace. I wish you all a Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," chorused the others.

Remus looked closer at the room they were in. If he were not mistaken, there were signs of new stone and of repair. He had noticed that Severus did not sit at the table, and it made him wonder about what part of the war had reached the school. But repairs or no, it seemed filled with the same mirth and good tidings that he remembered from his own Hogwarts years. There was an unbelievable comfort in that, as unsettled as he was.

He somehow felt the gaze of the hooded spirit and turned to look. The figure was staring at him, unseeing and unsaying.

"What now, spirit?" he asked. "Why are you showing me these things? I never asked to see the future."

The figure turned and walked towards the Entrance Hall. Remus followed him. He was expecting their surroundings to fade away as they had before, but everything remained clear and real.

In the empty vestibule, the spirit stopped in front of a wall. As Remus joined him he saw the large basalt plaque mounted there. Without thought, he began to read aloud.

"In memory of those who lost their lives at the Battle of Hogwarts on May 2nd, 1998. May we never forget their bravery or their sacrifice." His voice cracked before he could finish.

He'd never wanted to see his future, never wanted to know the unknowable. But as his eyes fell down the list of too many witches and wizards, he saw names that tore at his heart. Lavender Brown. Colin Creevey.

And then his own, and his wife's. Remus Lupin. Nymphadora Tonks.

"It was the battle that ended the war," a voice echoed behind him. Remus spun around.

The figure had lowered its hood, showing a young man with sandy blond hair.

"I don't know you, do I?" Remus asked.

"We haven't met yet," the boy confirmed. "But we will."

"Is this future certain? Is it the same that will come to pass?" Remus questioned.

"No future is certain. But it's as likely an outcome as any."

Remus looked back at the list of names, of the carved stone that spelled out his fate.

"Are you afraid of dying?" the young man asked.

"No, not really. Not for myself. But I fear not being able to protect those I love." He touched his hand to Nymphadora's name.

"The war is over. Voldemort is dead. Harry Potter lives. And your son lives. Isn't that protecting them, protecting their future?"

"I couldn't save Nymphadora."

"From what I know about her, she would probably feel the exact same way about protecting you. What if you had died and she had lived? How would she feel then?"

"She'd be furious with me," Remus said immediately. "But she'd be alive, to have a life with our son."

"Your son is in good hands. He has a family that loves him and takes care of him. And it'll take him a little bit of time to fully understand it, but he'll learn how to accept that both his parents died protecting him. And others."

Remus couldn't say anything. He found that his eyes were full and about to overflow. He hadn't wanted any of this. He never asked for some pilgrimage through the past, or this glimpse of a future not-yet-come. He found that all he wanted, more than anything in the world, was to be beside Nymphadora so they could stare down their futures together.

"I think it's time I took you back," the young spirit said.

They walked through the front doors of the castle to find themselves back in the den at Grimmauld Place. Through the windows, it looked like a gloomy dawn was threatening to break.

The spirit turned again to face Remus, his hair now white. _Odd,_ Remus thought, _I thought his hair was darker._

"It's nearly time for me to go," he said. "And I have so many questions I want to ask… but I'm not allowed." The young man smirked in a way that looked vaguely familiar to Remus.

"What questions?"

The figure ignored him. "I'm only here to show you a future that might be. It's up to you whether it comes to pass or not. But you should know that your son thinks the world of you. He has heard so many stories."

"What…"

"We'll meet soon enough," the spirit said as it began to fade. And looking just like his mischievous mother, the boy snapped his fingers and his hair turned to turquoise.

"Teddy?!" Remus gasped, but the boy was gone.


	5. The End of It

**Lupin's Christmas Carol**

 _Shamelessly ripped off from Dickens' fine work, with the help of characters from Joanne Rowling's equally admirable writings._

 _Well folks, I've finished it! It's not quite Christmas anymore, but I'm pleased I got it finished. This is the first fanfiction I've completed, so please - comments, feedback, all is welcome and encouraged. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this experiment!  
_

 _For some accompanying music, I recommend Sleeping At Last's_ Snow _._

* * *

 **THE END OF IT**

He paced back and forth in the dimly lit room.

Teddy. His son. And Nymphadora's dead.

 _No, it's not real. It hasn't happened yet._

Why had Dumbledore done this for him? Did he somehow know about the future that might come to pass? He couldn't bear the idea of not seeing his son grow up.

 _Are you excited to be a father?_ When Cedric had asked him that, he didn't have an immediate answer. But he knew now that the answer was, undeniably, _yes_. Tears began to collect in the corner of his eyes as he thought of the memory of James and Lily. They'd been so young, so unprepared, in the middle of a war… but so hopeful and full of love. Remus realized that he wanted that too. That he already had that, in Tonks, and their son.

The expectant father stopped pacing and looked up to see misty light filtering through the window. He had no idea what time it was… or even what day it was. But he knew where he needed to go.

* * *

Remus Lupin couldn't make his legs go faster without running, and that would draw too much attention in downtown London. Light snow had started to fall like down feathers, sticking in his hair and dusting his shoulders as it flew past. The other people on the street and the old clock he passed told him it was late afternoon… but what day?

At last, he approached Tonks' flat. Their flat. He had a proper muggle key now, so he didn't need to use the buzzer contraption. Once through the door, he leapt up the stairs as Sirius used to at Hogwarts. And stopped abruptly outside the flat's door.

 _She'll be happy to see you. She'll forgive you._

But he couldn't just walk in. So he raised his fist and knocked lightly.

"I swear, if you Weasleys are back to try and talk me into…" The voice rose in volume as she approached and swung open the door.

She stood in the door frame, her hair a bright coral with irritation, and stared at Remus. His Nymphadora. His beautiful wife.

Without warning, she burst into tears.

"Nymphadora," Remus whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Forgive me for being an idiot, please." He opened his arms, and Tonks stepped into their embrace.

"Only if you forgive e. I didn't mean to yell that rubbish at you. I know you're worried about being a dad. It's just... I'm worried about being a mum."

Remus found himself smiling so broadly, he was sure his face would split. "You? You'll be an amazing mum." He pulled her back and kissed her as if it had been years since he'd seen her. "We'll figure it out together. We've figured it out so far."

"I'm sorry I lost my temper," she sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "Stupid bloody hormones. I shouldn't ever have said those things. I didn't really want you to leave."

Remus pulled her close again and squeezed his eyes tightly to keep the tears in. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," she mumbled into his chest. Then, with an affectionate shove, she pushed herself away from him and pointed her finger right in his face. "Because after telling those blasted red-headed Weasleys to stuff their Christmas plans, I don't want to face them alone tomorrow. You are coming with me, understand?"

Remus blinked. "Christmas. Tomorrow." _It isn't Christmas yet?_

"That's what I said, isn't it? Don't you dare think you're getting out of it. Mum said she's staying home, and there's no bloody way I'm going if you're not with me."

Remus smiled away the confusion. "Of course I'm going with you." He smiled tenderly at his wife, whose eyes danced with their usual mischief and hair gleamed a radiant pink. He fell for her all over again. "I love you, Nymphadora Tonks. With all my heart, for all my life."

"I love you too. Get in here, you."

 _There really isn't any point arguing with a woman almost six-months pregnant,_ he thought contentedly.

* * *

The wreath on the Burrow front door jangled as Remus and Nymphadora approached it. Remus couldn't help smile at the reminder that he was truly here.

"Mum! It's Lupin and Tonks!" he heard George yell excitedly.

The door opened to show a flustered but pleased Molly. "Come in you two! I've just put some ginger snaps on to bake. The rest of the family's in the den. They'll be pleased to see you. Shall I put on some tea, Tonks?"

Tonks smiled broadly. "Tea would be great, Molly. We'll go on through." She pressed against her belly with one hand and squeezed her other, locked in Lupin's grip.

It threw Remus for a second, the familiar sight of Ginny sitting morosely on the sofa with her brothers teasing her. He almost believed he'd see Cedric behind him if he turned quick enough.

"I'm afraid you're stuck with our excellent company, sis." George sighed dramatically.

"And ours," Remus added. Ginny seemed to perk up immediately. "Tonks!" she cried. "You're here! And you're huge!"

"Bollocks that," Tonks snorted. "I feel like the Hogwarts Express." But she grinned as she said it.

The volume in the room increased again until it felt more like the old Burrow than ever. Arthur came home, and the table was set. Just as they were called to dinner, Remus found himself alone on the sofa beside Ginny who was still staring into the fire distractedly.

"You're worried about Harry, aren't you?" he offered gently.

"Of course I am. And my brother, and Hermione."

Remus had promised himself that he wouldn't reveal anything about his ghostly visits to anyone. To start with, he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't dreamed the whole thing up. But in this moment, sitting on the same couch he'd seen Ginny and Harry sitting on a year from now, he felt justified in breaking that promise. Just this once.

He leaned in. "I can't tell you how I know, but I can tell you that they're safe." Ginny's eyes widened, but Remus continued.

"Please don't ask me how I know. I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. But I believe that next Christmas, you will all be safe and well and together." Her eyes glistened with worry, fear, and hope. Remus wondered if he had the same look on his face.

"All we can do is live, love, and hope, Ginny."

"And fight for that future," she added.

"And fight for that future," he agreed.

They joined the rest already sitting at the table, ready to eat. Remus took his seat, but then stood again with a full glass of wine raised. Molly Weasley saw his gesture and used her fork to tap against her water glass.

"Quiet down, you lot! Remus wants to make a toast!"

After a few more giggles and shoves and sighs, all eyes were at last on Remus. He took a breath.

"Tonks and I can't tell you how much we're delighted to be sharing Christmas with you this year. It has been a challenge these past few months to find joy amidst all the sorrow and despair. It's very easy to fear for the worst." He looked to his wife, whose eyes were riveted on him. She nodded, encouraging him to keep going.

"Let us remember those who are not with us, and find hope in those who carry our future forward." He smiled at Tonks as she placed a hand over her belly.

"May our burdens be lighter when shared amongst those we love. And may we live fully, each and every day."

He raised his glass again, higher, and those at the table mirrored him. The room was uncharacteristically quiet, the eyes of each person were fixed on the young man with the greying hair who they considered family.

"Merry Christmas, everyone."


End file.
